What do you think of this short story?
Jack was strolling outside. It was already 23 o'clock in the city of New York, but never had it been more overcrowded. You see, today was a very special day. People were celebrating in the roads of Manhattan the end of a long and tedious decade of war against Canada, and finally, June 20th of 2138, the U.S. had signed a treaty which ended the conflict. Despite this memorable victory, the U.S were in a desolate state. New York was in ruins, and only the bust of the Liberty Statue was still standing in the once-so-crowded forest of buildings that was downtown New York. The stars, once invisible due to the light pollution, were now shining like diamonds in the ink-like darkness of the sky.
But while the whole world was celebrating the end of what could have almost been World War III, Jack was of a rather distraught mood. Who would not, when wife, children and home had all died and succumbed to the rockets falling from the sky, be in a desperate mood? It happened one month ago. The war was close to an end, and all were relieved to know that Canada was about to capitulate, when all of a sudden, a horrible BOOM and explosion thrust him out of the 20 stories block the happy family lived in. He fell in the waters of the Atlantic ocean, which saved him from death. But his family did not have this luck. He was supposedly the only survivor, and by an inch, supposedly. These pictures hadn't stopped running in his head since then.
He had nowhere to live. So he had started to live in the streets, now overcrowded by thousands of similarly ill-fated citizens. It wasn't such a horrible experience, though. There was a strong sense of solidarity, and everyone was getting along pretty well. In the parks, the ports, the hangars, people were making their improvised homes and there was suddenly a giant network of bidonvilles building itself up the streets of Manhattan.
That day, Jack was strolling because he wanted to do something. The bidonvilles were mostly made of wood. So he took a cigarette lighter he had found on the floor and he started a fire in the nearest house around. It got in fire, and after a few minutes, a giant fire appeared. After while, everyone was running and panicking because all Manhattan was in fire. Jack was happy. He jumped in a boat to protect himself. After a day of this destruction, there was no soul alive, and Jack walked alone in the streets. He was Canadian. Now he wanted to eat something. He forgot to eat for the whole month, and only now was he realising this! Stupid... he died.
lol
I improvised it while typing, so yeah it doesn't really make sense, but I was bored and I wanted to see what you thought about it...
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Very impressive!
you give a very strong sense of time and place... the mark of a good writer is the ability to weave a picture in the mind and you certainly have done that here. Your vocabulary and use of imagery is very strong and I found elements of this story to be beautiful and well told.. I don't know if you have had the opportunity to read much from the author O. Henry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O_Henry but I recommend that you look into his work as your writing shares many of his characteristics... which is just about the highest praise I can heap upon you. Please continue to develop your gifts and share your stories freely... Great things could come of it!
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